After a much needed break from social media after finals and during the holidays, I find myself returning to them with less enthusiasm than I did last year. I mentioned in my last post the inferred need for a social media following in today’s job market, so the idea that I’m returning to social media less and less can seem counter-intuitive. However, sometimes what advances us forward isn’t always what is best for us holistically. I’ve found myself approaching problems with a clearer head and following through with solutions with better success since reducing the external stimuli.
That being said, with this semester being my last before graduation, I do find myself experiencing an early onset of “Imposter’s Syndrome”.
“Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". —-Wikipedia
Despite straight As, multiple certifications, and positive feedback from my peers, I find myself doubting that I will make it in this industry. I am constantly experience relenting thoughts of “I’m never going to get a job in development because I’m not smart enough.” or “I don’t have enough experience to apply for this position/They’ll never pick me.”
And honestly? Some of inner-clairvoyants have been correct. I have been rejected from multiple jobs at this point due to not having enough experience. Experience, that I can only get by being hired despite recruiters wanting 2+ years of experience for entry-level positions. (The system is broken, but that’s an entirely different post.) I have been rejected, but I keep applying because I know eventually someone will take a chance on me simply because I took a chance on myself. I keep taking chances on myself each and every day, because the moment I stop and let my inner voices dictate who I am is the moment I become that version of myself.
Everybody deals with imposter syndrome in different ways. I once heard a tedTalk where the presenter said that when it comes to applying for jobs, men will apply to a job if they meet about 40% of the requirements, but when it comes to women they usually have to meet 90% of the requirements before they will apply. I feel like you can definitely see this play out in the tech arena as women also have the gender-gap to contest with. For so long, the tech field was considered a “boy’s club” which was spurred on by a personality test that skewed hiring recruiters towards anti-social males. (If you haven’t read Brotopia by Emily Chang, I highly recommend it. She delves into how Silicone Valley become a misogynistic free-for-all and how it’s trying to recover.) Now, we have more women and minorities than ever but they still apply with the hesitance gifted to people who have long been passed over.
I would be doing many of my friends a disservice if I were to gloss over how Imposter Syndrome affects POC and black women, especially. I have heard stories of recruiters ignoring applicants with the same qualifications, yet one resume was “white-washed”. Another piece of anecdotal evidence being posts from recruiters themselves who admit to giving harder technical interviews to women and POC. This all ties back into the system being broken, but with so many things working against us, it is no wonder so many of us have difficulties fighting off the voice in our head screaming that we aren’t good enough.
It’s a problem I don’t have a solution for, but I have found ways to Band-Aid it so the bleeding is slower. I’m not sure if any of these would help others, but figured I’d share them just in case they did.
When I’m feeling like I don’t know enough, or I’m not good enough, I try the following:
-I make a list of everything I’m confident of my knowledge in. Then, I make a list of everything I believe I could use more work on, followed by a list of things I should learn because them seem to be necessary in this industry. I then make a schedule and pick one item from each category a week to focus on.
-I do a CBT exercise called the “Downward Arrow Theory”. At it’s core, this exercise helps you explore which core belief about yourself is influencing a negative thought. Essentially, “Ok, if this were true, what would it mean about me?"
-I pick a new Udemy course on a topic that interests me. Sometimes I’m just burnt out on what I already know, and I need something new to spark up that confidence you get when you first learn how to do something.
-I reach out to a peer for advice/critique. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can help us either see what we need to improve on, or assure us we are on the right track.
The system is broken and breeds doubt, but there are little things we can do to try and keep the doubt at bay. Apply to the job. Do the thing. The worst that can happen is they tell you no. Rejection will sting, but it won’t kill you and someone out there will take a chance on you because you took a chance on yourself.