I can’t breathe.
The water filters into my lungs, burning their insides with ice and salt, as my body sinks lower into the depths beyond light. This is how I knew it would end, yet into the darkness I gladly dived without hesitation or doubt. I can feel her hand in mine, the soft flesh of her palm and fingers grasped firmly against my own as she screams. Bubbles escape her mouth with every outburst, replacing the words meant for my ears alone, and I find my body reacting to the terror in her eyes. Adrenaline begins to flood my veins nearly as quickly as the ocean water. Something has gone wrong. The current is mocking us, its tendrils wrapping themselves around our fragile bodies while it tries to forcefully rip us apart.
The world begins to grow hazy around the edges. I cannot breathe. The spell has gone wrong, and I am going to die. My mind is beginning to panic as my lungs cave inwards, desperately trying to exhale the water that has infiltrated my body uninvited.
”Don’t go. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.” Her voice echoes in the corners of my mind; her lips press themselves against mine as she pries my mouth open slightly with her tongue. As oxygen caresses my cells, the fog begins to rescind and I open my eyes to the entrancing emerald of her eyes. The warmth of her arms wrapped around me is a stark contrast to the hypothermic temperatures we were just experiencing and my body begins to relax into a shock induced sleep. I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, when I open them she will have disappeared back into the sea. I cannot live without her. I would rather drown.
The morning sun rises as the evening moon falls; fur rubs against my bare skin as the sun kisses the freckles on my cheeks. I smell earth and sky, which are familiar, but it is the absence of salt and kelp that force me to open my eyes. I am alone in the wooded confines of my bedroom; spells and drawings of herbs lining the walls as though they are wallpaper. My body operates with a will of it’s own and I find myself at the altar that houses all of my most precious things. Crystals and herbs are scattered around my work space as is the last spell I attempted to cast.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sara? Sara where are you?” Wind blows through the seashells strung from string that hang above my balcony window. I catch a glint of light reflecting off the ocean and my heart sinks as I fall to my knees. I can see her; her body laid out on the beach for the world to see. From up here she looks smaller than I remember, but the sea-foam green of her tail and hair are unmistakeable. I leap from the balcony before my mind has a chance to catch up, my feet barely touching sand as I run to her. “Sara, please. Come back.”
The tears sting my ocean dried skin and I feel the hollowness in me begin to spread like a virus. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be together. The sky turns dark as lightning begins to strike the beach around us. I should control my despair but I don’t. I won’t. I had been foolish enough to think I could alter our fates, and she had given her last breath to keep me alive. I had killed her.
The scream rips through me as the ocean tide begins to roll in. I cannot live without her.
I would rather drown.